When I finished nursing school, my life was going to be picture perfect. I would move down to Los Angeles and be with my boyfriend (Ian) of six years and soon after get engaged. I would ace my NCLEX and land numerous nursing jobs with little to no struggle. Then I would have the dream wedding that I have been planning since Ian and I exchanged our love for each other.
As I was in nursing school, I focused on these happy ideas for my future to help push me through, to give me hope and something to look forward to. Doing so made me develop deeper desires for these events to happen. This then turned into a need and an expectation. An expectation with a specific timeline.
I always get what I want. Why? Because if it doesn’t happen, I work harder for it to happen. I was used to getting what I wanted. I wanted to be top of my class in nursing school so I achieved above a 4.0 and got Summa Cum Laude. I was used to the instant gratification of nursing school. You study really hard for an exam, take it, then get the results back within hours or days. I was in this mindset when school finished and I moved to LA…and this is not the proper mindset for life outside of school.
Safe to say things did not go as planned once school finished. I moved to LA and nothing was happening for me. A nursing job wasn’t happening fast enough for me, no engagement ring, nothing that I had built up in my head to happen was happening. I felt depressed and confused. Since I am a fighter, I turned up the heat. I was determined to land a nursing job. I was determined to solidify my relationship with an engagement. This mindset helped me land my incredible nursing job, yes. But this mindset has nearly destroyed the most important thing in my life, my relationship.
All of my bottled up sadness and confusion was taken out on the thing closest to me, the thing I love most. Instead of trusting in his love for me and giving him the additional time to propose that he so kindly asked for, I fought back. I nearly destroyed my relationship because I wasn’t getting what I wanted. I wasn’t getting the expectation I had been building up for so long.
I let the built up ideas in my head get the best of me. Reality is not always equal to your expectations.
I am now fighting in a different way. Fighting to prove myself in this relationship. Fighting to show Ian that I am still the one for him.
I only share this with you all in hopes that you won’t do the same thing I did. Learn to enjoy the journey. Things will happen when they are supposed to happen and you will end up where you’re supposed to be. And ladies, do not pressure your man. This is a big day in his life too.